Goodbye Tears, Hello Love
by Antilles
Summary: Miriallia Haw had just lost her boyfriend. Dearka Eltman had just lost connection with his ship. Now, they have to deal with their respective problems. For Mir, it's dealing with grief. for Dearka, it's dealing with capture. Who knows, maybe they'll have
1. Chapter 1

_**Loss **_

**Disclaimer: do not own any characters - if I did, Flay would be dead earlier.  
A/N: a companion piece to 'Catch you, catch me'; a look at the scene of confusion after the battle, told from Miriallia's point of view; thanks to those who read the first story...**

_Miriallia POV_

'Tolle! Kira! Please respond. Tolle!'

I remember it as if it happened two seconds ago instead of few weeks. I tried so hard to raise either Kira's Strike or Tolle's Skygrasper, but neither one of them were replying. I did not know what to think.

Finally we were ordered to pull out. We had our orders, they said, to reach Alaska, and the Archangel could not go searching for them. It fell to Orb.

Somehow, though, I already knew what they will find, as tears clouded my eyes and as white-hot anger clouded my mind. They would find the remains of the Skygrasper, along with those of the Aegis and the Strike.

They will find all three pilots dead.

I wanted the pilot, Tolle's murderer, dead, though I knew it was a wrong wish.

We had the Buster pilot in the Infirmary. I stumbled on him when I went to get some medicine - I was hurting too much. I could not help but notice him, he was... handsome. Tall and lean, tanned face, amethyst eyes, blonde locks of hair...

Now that I think of it, he reminded me of Kira. Especially his eyes. They were beautiful, brilliant amethyst.

Is it with all of their kind? Do all of them, they with beautiful eyes, have that killer instinct? Or are there just two?

He stared at me in contempt, and I blanked out.

He was saying something now, but all I could think of was, that Tolle was dead. And they let his killer live.

Then, the last dam burst.

'Did your Natural boyfriend die or something?'

What did he know. Just what the hell did he know! Stars, I hated him then.

I don't remember how, but I got my hands on a knife... I brought it down, slicing the guy's brow. Then I felt astonishment coming in waves off my friends, as Sai tried to restrain me.

'I... didn't... know...'

What? But that's impossible! It WAS him! HE did it.

'I... didn't kill him.'

He's more certain this time. Then, a click of a gun.

'I'll kill him. He's a dirty Coordinator. He doesn't deserve to live! None of HIS kind do!'

I gaped in astonishment at Flay Allster, as she grasped the gun in her hands so tight her knuckles were white. The gun was loaded, and the redhead was shaking with barely suppressed rage.

I don't know what made me react like I had. I am glad I did it, though.

I pushed Flay away from him. The gun shot went wild, and we both fell. It all was like a silent movie to me, all until we hit the floor and I heard a gun shot. It took me a few moments to realise what happened.

'What's happened here?'

The Lieutenant-Commander Flaga... He'll deal with this, something said in me.

It's all right, Mir...

I collapsed on Flay's chest then, as tears burst forth. I could feel his eyes on me. His beautiful eyes. They were wide with amasement, questioning.

Why did I try to kill him and then saved him?

Of course, I had an answer, which I wasn't going to share with him - I was too numb for talking.

Tolle would not want me to become a killer.

Oh, Tolle... I did not want you to leave me. Why did you do it? Why did you leave me!

_Why!_


	2. Chapter 2

_**Goodbye tears, hello love (formerly titled 'loss')**_

_Summary: Miriallia Haw had just lost her boyfirend. Dearka eltman had just lost connection with his ship. Now on board of the Archangel, both of them have to deal with their respective problems. for Mor, it's dealing with grief. For Dearka, it's dealing with loss of connection with his ship. Who knows, maybe they'll get another problem on their hands soon enough. Tolle/Mir/Dearka_

_Disclaimer: don't own Gundam Seed or Gundam Seed Destiny._

_A/N: second chapter of the story, this time from Dearka's POV. Mild swearing warning, courtesy of a very confused Dearka_

two

_Dearka's POV_

So here I am. I'm stuck aboard the stupid legged ship we were chasing all across the ocean, only to find myself nearly shot at, attacked with a scalpel, of all things, and some mad Natural girl. A very beautiful Natural girl, might I add. Is their Captain out of his mind, I wonder.

Hell, I don't even know if the Captain is a he or a she. But it looks like my last problem is about to be solved.

I hear footsteps right outside my bed. The Captain - I distinguish her by the distinctive mark on the chest - is a surprise. A relatively young woman with long brown hair and stern brown eyes which warm almost immediately. Apparently, she is one of those few Captains who tend to think of their crew as the family instead of equipment and workaholics. I swear, Creuset is sometimes like that. Exception being us, that is. Can't really spare us from that treatment, seeing as we're the only ones who are capable of piloting those units...

Speaking of the units... I wonder who pilots that Strike unit, and what the heck did they do with my Buster?

That is me - open mouth insert foot. I just have to know...

"What the hell did you do with my Buster?" I ask, staring up at the female captain of this ship.

She frowns, obviously not expecting the question. Well, what the damn woman wants with me, I had a rough day. Being forced to hand myself over or be shot is not exactly the choices of my life, but it came extremely damned close.

Okay, I have to stop swearing. I swear, this got to me so much that I honestly can not hold my sarcastic tongue when it's needed to. I think it's all Yzak's fault. I've been hanging around the guy way too much than it was healthy. So maybe here is a chance for me to... re-evaluate my options.

I blink, realising that the woman was speaking. She frowns slightly and shakes her head ruefully, as it becomes painfully obvious that I did not hear a word of what she was saying.

"The Buster is being repaired at the moment," she repeats her sentence from earlier. "And to be honest with you, you did not give me reason enough for which I should be returning the unit to you. After all, you were attacking us with it. Would you do it again if you had the weapon as powerful as that Gundam?"

Hell yeah. I will blow the goddamned ship to bits and pieces without waiting for back-up. I'm so furious right about now that I don't even want to think about anything.

I force myself to calm down. The last thing I need is hysteria before the Captain herself. After all, sarcasm is not a good thing when one is nervous.

"I don't know," I finally find that I'm able to talk again without blowing up. "I don't know what I'm going to do if I get my Gundam again. I either run away or blow you to pieces."

Here. A somewhat honest answer. The woman looks at me with slight amusement, as does the kid who just entered the room. The kid has amethyst eyes and brown hair, and looks every inch Natural guy like everyone on this ship does, but there is something seriously off about him. Something that strikes me as soon as I realise what it was that gives me a lot of discomfort.

The kid is a Coordinator. Well, looks like I finally found the Strike pilot. I remember the picture of two kids I saw in Athrun's room briefly, and nod silently to myself. The kid, although much younger, was there, along with Athrun, both of them very carefree and happy.

"Apparently I cannot let you go until we reach the base," the Captain finally says. "I have to transfer you to the cells. Are you feeling good enough for the transfer?"

I start. What sane Captain is asking his or her prisoners of war if they are feeling well enough for the transfer? Certainly not many in the Zaft forces. This Captain of theirs is surprising me more and more. Hell, I never figure women out. Especially, heaven forbid me, trying to figure out female Captains of enemy forces. But here is the first 'but' I caught myself thinking about. Is this woman, the captain of the infamous legged ship, really my enemy?

"I'm fine," I reply automatically, still trying to think through about the policy of this ship in general. Obviously, there are some people here who are ready to shoot me right where I stand - that brunette with the scalpel proved that very well. I gave up on trying to figure out women a long time ago - the exercize just was not for me, a simple military pilot.

"All right then," I order myself to focus on the Captain, who is talking again. "Kira, if you don't mind, can you transfer him..."

"Yes, ma'am." The teen, Kira, gives a small glance at me with resigned sigh. I can see that he is uncomfortable, but it's better this kid, who at least is my age, then someone older who hated Coordinators.

We are heading down the ship's aisle when I catch a glimpse of the volunteers again. I only realise that nobody else wore blue or pink uniform here except those two girls and four boys, and I saw them all. It seems that two boys and a girl who attacked me with the scalpel were working on the bridge, since the crew was short-handed since the Heliopolis accident, and that other girl was just around. I have no idea what her function on the ship was. And hell if I was going to ask about it.

"Are you the Strike's pilot?"

It takes me a moment to understand that the phrase is out of my mouth. Damn. To my surprise, the kid shoots me a hooded look before nodding.

"Yeah. Not something I'm proud of, though."

I stop for a moment, shock running through me. Not proud? The only one who is capable of piloting an actual Mobile suit around here and he is not proud. Hell. What's wrong with that guy?

"I managed to fail. Those civilians... they never knew what hit them. Just when I thought they were safe, I let my guard down." The kid walks on, his eyes downcast, and a frown on his face. "I let my guard down and Duel shot their shuttle."

I stop completely, feeling my eyes go wide. Shuttle? What shuttle? Not the one which Yzak shot down when it tried to re-enter atmosphere? Civilian shuttle?

I'm so stunned that I can barely move. Oh. My. Frigging. God. Civilian shuttle. Shot down by my best friend. Damn.

It's almost as if the kid can sense my astonishment and surprise, because he lets out a small laugh and glances at me slowly.

"It's still hard, but I think I can manage it."

I forced myself to nod. Manage it? How? A shuttle with civilians shot just before you can manage to protect it? I think I'd have gone nuts long before that day. I mean...

I find that my respect for the basically unknown guy rises up a notch. Not everyone can live with what happened to him, but it seems he manages.

Just before he locks the cell behind me, I pause.

"Dearka Eltman." Here. I'd named myself, and it's up to him what he was going to do now.

The kid glances at me with surprise in his amethyst eyes, but then nods and gives a small smile before naming himself.

"Kira Yamato."

I nod at him. At normal circumstances, I'd say that I'm pleased to meet him and crack a joke. In this case, however, I can't really bring myself to joke around with - basically - my enemy, although the category of 'enemies and friends' gets to be a very shaken structure right about now.

As the kid - Kira, I force myself to think - walks off, I stretch out on the bunk, rubbing my sore wrists. Kira had recently cut the rope, and the skin on my wrists chafed terribly.

It certainly seems that I have plenty of time to think about everything - my choices, my actions, and my future.

I was not getting off this legged ship any time soon.


	3. Chapter 3

**Goodbye Tears, Hello Love**

**Chapter Three**

_Disclaimer: same old, same old, don't own anything but the plot..._

_A/N: humbly apologise for this really long wait - a mild confusion and a writer's block is to blame; for the story's sake pretend that Kira was recovered by the Archangel and never ended up on the PLANTS; this chapter is from Miriallia's point of view_

_---Miriallia's POV----_

I sit in the dark.

I do not remember how long ago did I come here, nor do I remember what happened to drive me into dark.

A door opens, allowing a glimmer of light to cme through and I shift, crushing my back into the darkness. Leave me alone, my mind cries out. I want to remain alone.

'Miriallia?" The soft voice is barely recognizeable, but I slowly put a name to the face.

Wonder what Sai's doing here. He sits down next to me, even though the space is horribly cramped now. I don't care as he says something about having to eat, adds in that everything will eventually be fine... How can he say that everything will be fine, Tolle's gone.

He's never going to return.

'Tolle! Kira! Please, respond...'

With a small sigh, Sai finally gave up, but my mind is still ringing with my hopeless tries to raise him.Neither responded, and I still remember a chill settling over my whole being. They can't be gone. No, I refuse to believe it...

'Tolle!'

And with the crash of reality, the first casualty of the Archangel since the beginning of war was my friend.

No, I can't think of him like that. Casualty.

Like thinking about some thing instead of a person. But the fact that the casualty had once lived a life of their own, that fact gets quickly forgotten. All that the person becomes is just a name on a long list of war.

Casualty.

I burrow my head in my knees, my mind drifting down to the better days, just before the attack on Heliopolis...

**Flashback**

"Hey, Kira!"

I waved frantically to the violet-eyed boy, who was firmly engossed into his laptop. The green and white robotic bird, his constant companion, raised its head, hopping across the table.

"Torii!"

"There you are." Tolle's voice was relieved, and no mistake - we had been searching for him all over the place for the last few hours. "The Professor wants you in te lab now, says something important."

Whew, the message delivered, now we can go... I giggled at my friend's groan.

"I didn't even finish the last thing yet," Kira protested vigorously. "Man, he just keeps piling stuff."

"Well you are the best in the class," Tolle pointed out reasonably, and I grin.

I'm just so happy...

"What is it, anyway?" Tolle again, can't even keep quiet for a moment. I frowned and dug an elbow in his ribs, but playfully enough. He mock-scowled at me and rubbed the offended place, quirking an eyebrow at Kira, who looked confused.

"How should I know, it's some top-secret thing. He's not telling me everything!"

Tolle slapped Kira on the shoulder and winked at me, his eyes shining with mirth.

"Same old Kira, can't even learn what he's working on..."

"Hey!"

The two of them are laughing about something, as the memory fades...

**End Flashbak**

I begin to smile unconciously. It all went perfectly fine until Heliopolis was attacked... We were taken in by the Archangel, the Earth Alliance space ship. Of course, we didn't know many things then... and Tolle was alive.

The smile on my face fades as quickly as it comes, as my mind slides from the familiar face of the memory to the brash newcomer.

I did not even learn his name.

Blond, flyaway curls, tan skin, which would have been unusual for a Natural, and amazing amethyst eyes, nearly same shade as Kira's.

Those eyes...

Dangerous.

A predator, and it's quite obvious. He's the one.

He's Tolle's killer.

He's one of THEM.

THEY, with beautiful, soulful eyes, are killers.

HE is one of THEM.

I hate him.

_I hate him._


End file.
